Behind Brown Eyes
by Ultrawoman
Summary: Directly after 'Drinking The Kool Aid'. Veronica can't stand the idea of Casey going back to being his old self. She has to save him one more time. Casey/Veronica friendship.


**A/N: Anyone who reads my VMars fics knows I am pretty much a rock-solid LoVe fan, and this fic doesn't change that, I've just shifted focus some is all. No romance here, just friendship...**

_**Disclaimer: All recognisable characters from Veronica Mars belong to Rob Thomas - they're not mine.**_

Behind Brown Eyes

So much for not giving me the hit and run treatment. I knew the moment I saw Casey Gant bundled into that limo at his grandmothers funeral that I'd lost him for good. It's so weird to think just a couple of weeks ago I would have passed him off as just another jackass 09er that I refused to waste my time on. Now, he was that person again, but the version of Casey that I'd spent so much time with in between, losing him actually hurt.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. I'm Veronica Mars, tough girl, doesn't feel anything, right? Well, Wallace wasn't totally wrong when he called me a marshmallow. Of course I feel pain, I'm human after all, and though the 09ers sometimes seem to be robots or something far more evil, Casey proved recently that they could be people too.

Reprogramming, that was what they'd done to him, what that evil-looking psychologist type had said was a vulgar term. I can't imagine there's a nice way of saying you want to brainwash a person, and that's what they've done to Casey. I see him across the parking lot, meeting his friends, being re-accepted into the fold. It'll break Holly's heart and so many of the guys and girls at the Moon Calf Collective. I'm not stupid, I know they'll miss his cash too, but honestly, I do believe they'll miss the man more.

It comes as kind of shock to realise just how much I'm going to miss him too. It felt good to have someone need me, believe in me, genuinely want me around. There's nothing to stop me visiting the Collective sometimes, spending time talking with Holly, hanging out with the people who accepted me so willingly, even when they found out the truth about my original motives. Still, it wouldn't be the same, not without him.

"Casey!" it's crazy to suddenly realise that the voice calling out his name is mine.

I really should just let him walk away, he'd go his way and I'd go mine, all would be right with the world, but I just can't let it happen. Blame it on the fact I lost too many people already, or maybe the reason was I just refused to not win a fight, regardless of the consequences.

"You want something, Mars?" he asks me as I hurry after him and he turns back to face me with a tired sigh.

His friends look at both of us like we we're crazy, but a glare from me soon sends them scampering with fast promises to catch up with Casey later. I'm really not listening anyway.

"Yeah, I do want something" I tell him definitely, deliberately meeting his eyes, "I want my friend back"

He scoffs at that, something like a laugh escaping as he shakes his head at what I'm sure he thinks is a ridiculous suggestion.

"What are you even talking about?" he asks, as if he doesn't know.

I can't blame him entirely, after all that his parents and that weirdo psychologist have told him, he probably completely believes that I should never be a part of his world. Cutting Holly, Josh, and the rest of the Collective out of his life was the plan, no doubt I had fast become a part of the 'undesirables' list that had to be removed, destroyed, forgotten...

"I'm talking about you, Casey!" I try desperately to tell him, knowing I'm not even fighting against him but against what has been done to him, still I have to try, "Listen to me. I know what they did to you, I know that psycho-babble guy has brainwashed you"

Now that really seems to amuse the guy, at least on the outside, but I learnt to read people a long time ago. I see a flicker in his eyes, a spark of recognition. A part of him knows I'm right, and that lets me know I'm not fighting a losing battle after all.

"You really are as crazy as people say" he tells me, in spite of the fact I know he couldn't really believe it, "Look, Veronica, I know we spent some time together and it was cool that you wanted to be there for me in my time of crisis or whatever" he waves it away like it all meant nothing, "but I'm cool now, it's over" he shrugs his shoulders, "Deal with it" he says finally before turning to walk away.

"That's it? Deal with it?" I call after him, hating that it hurts like this to have him not care.

A week ago, I wouldn't have cared less about any 09ers opinion of me, but now, after the time we spent together, it just felt like we really connected. I can't let him blow me off like I'm nothing, dismiss the friendship we'd built, however brief the time was that it lasted.

"Just deal with the fact that you're happy to live with people who called your beloved Grandma a 'Grandmonster' behind her back and only bothered to have you back in their lives because you inherited a fortune?" the words come tumbling out of my mouth before I even really process them, but it at least gets Casey's attention.

Turning back to face me, his expression is caught between anger and confusion, though I doubt either of them really have anything to do with me. His brain is scrambled, I'm sure of it. After going through so many changes, losing a dear member of his family, and then having his mind altered by a guy whose profession sickens me, I can't imagine what's going on inside his head, but I doubt it's pretty.

"You don't know me" he says eventually, though his tone is far from harsh or even angry.

"No, I don't know you" I agree with him on that at least as I take a couple of steps forward, closing a little of the space between us, "I don't know the guy you're being right now, but the real Casey Gant, the guy that believed in the Moon Calf Collective, who loved his grandmother, and who was actually my friend for a few days, I knew him" I nod my head, hand going over my heart of its own accord as I continue, "and I already miss him... but I guess I'll have to learn to deal with that" I spit out the last few words, echoes of his own phrasing that disgusted me.

I shouldn't be mad at him and I know it, even as I turn my back on him then and consider if I really want to walk away. Maybe I just wish he was stronger, and I'm angry at myself for believing he really could be a friend of mine. Casey Gant doesn't need or want me in his life. He has money and good looks and charm. Of course he also has parents that don't care, friends that only love him for his money, and an empty heart and soul. If he didn't feel that way, he never would've started hanging out at the Collective. He was lost and they found him, as cliché as it sounded, and I understand that. Now it seems Casey has unlearnt the very same thing, at least I think so until I suddenly feel a hand on my shoulder.

"Veronica" he says and as I turn to face him then, I realise a tear is making its way down my cheek.

I wipe it away fast, I don't want him to think he's worth crying over, and honestly, I'm not even sure what I'm so upset about anyway. Clearly, he knows, because I swear I see tears shining in his eyes too.

"Help me?" he asks me, and I honestly don't know how to answer, "I don't wanna be this way" he says, shaking his head and looking as lost as a person ever could.

All I can do is nod my head in response, telling him silently that I will do what I can. I'm not a psychologist and I'm certainly not a miracle worker. I don't know what I am going to do to really help Casey Gant back from the brink of jackassdom for a second time, but I'll try.

When he reaches out to hug me, I don't even flinch, just wrap my arms around him and hold on tight. To hell with who sees us, and to hell with what they think. I was done with playing by society rules a long time ago, and now it seems Casey really does feel the same. Seems like maybe I haven't lost him after all.

~The End~


End file.
